Archive for love
resolutely…
Recently, I taught what turned out being a 2-part series (and should have been a 3-part series) titled, When Jesus Comes to Town based on the account of the Triumphal Entry in Luke 19 and the events leading up to it. Over the past few weeks/months, I’ve been absolutely captured by this thought (which begins in Luke 9:51) concerning Jesus resolutely setting out for Jerusalem. It’s almost as if I can see Jesus’ face, taking Him to Jerusalem, to His death, to our redemption. That’s what Jesus was resolutely set out to do. As John Eldredge puts it, there is no more dangerous man than the one who has reckoned with his own death.
To get a picture of what this looks like, I believe it’s helpful to go back to Isaiah 50:7, and the prophecy of what God’s Messiah would come to do: Because the Sovereign Lord helps me…I have set my face like a stone (or ‘flint’ as most versions put it), determined to do His will -NLT. Something I find fascinating about this language here is the word flint, which translates to the root word in Hebrew, halam which also means to dream. In other words, we might find this passage saying I have set my face like a dream or toward a dream.
Which raises a great question here for all of us: What is God’s dream, His vision for our lives? Do we know what it is? Is that what my face is resolutely set toward?
If you were to try to picture Jesus setting his face resolutely toward Jerusalem, what if you could envision Jesus - face like flint - set out toward a dream of what you and I could truly become? What if this became personal? I believe this is exactly what Jesus came to do, liberating us from our limitations and freeing us to become the person that only God has dreamed of us becoming. We know all too well how people around us try to shape us into the vision and dreams they have for us, which can be so limited. We also know how the world around us can try to conform us into what it believes we should become. We know this because we, in some way, do it every single day…and we can feel when God’s dream is being taken away, whether we realize it for what it truly is or not.
One of the things I’ve been doing the last month or so to help me have my face resolutely set like Jesus has been to ask God to continue to clarify His dream and vision for my life. In fact, I’ve been asking Him to do that for a couple of years now. I’m not sure if you’ve ever asked God for this in your own life, but if you have, perhaps you’ve gained some real clarity on what that is. For others (like myself), maybe you’ve struggled to hear anything specifically at all.
It can be frustrating to get up in the morning (sometimes every morning) and not know what your face is resolutely set out toward in life. I desperately want my face and the faces of those around me to resolutely be set out toward God’s dream and vision for our lives. But I believe the better question is not simply asking what God’s vision is for my life. Rather, I believe the better question we have to wake up to every day is this: God, what is your vision, your dream for the people and the world around me, and how can I give my life to that? How can I set my face resolutely to that kind of dream?
Perhaps there’s some kind of explanation here as to why we have so much trouble figuring out what God’s dream is for us. Maybe we’re asking the right question the wrong way.
Since Julia was born over 6-months ago, I’ve been asking God to show me His vision for her life. My hope is that as her parents, Molly and I will resolutely love her into God’s future, His dream for her. What if we loved people like that? Could that be God’s primary dream for your life and mine, that we help move people around us toward His dream for their lives?
What is your face resolutely set toward? What is God dreaming?
loving for beauty…
A few days ago, I had the privilege of attending and conference called The Strengths Summit in Asheboro, NC, presented by the Gallup Research Group.. It was a two-day conference centered around helping people discover their natural strengths, talents and abilities and ways the church can serve as a catalyst for helping people live more self-aware and more comfortable in their own skin as they grow to see their true uniqueness.
While there, we were asked to personally look at our top strengths (according to the StrengthsFinder assessment) and underline in the descriptions the things about those strengths we actually believed were true.
It’s easier to focus on what’s not true, isn’t it? As I continue to learn more about this, it’s been interesting to see how certain strengths I have are much more easily identified and affirmed by others than they would be with me.
Which brings me to a huge point in this thought…that you can learn things about yourself that if you don’t have people in your life to affirm those things and literally love those things into you, it will eventually make no difference. Chew on that.
This has caused me to think of it this way: Have you ever given someone a compliment, but it’s almost like they refuse to believe it? Is it difficult for you to accept compliments?
Earlier in our marriage, I remember Molly and I having a conversation while we were driving about our identities, things we were learning about ourselves and some of the things that had served to shape us for good and for worse. I remember being frustrated around that time - all the way back to when we were first dating - when every time I’d tell Molly how beautiful I thought she was, it was almost like she didn’t want to hear it. (By the way, I did get permission from her to share this) I also know there have been many times when Molly has tried to affirm something in me that I’ve refused to accept. Things like: you’re a great man, to which my response would be, yeah, right.
This brings me to this thought: What does it mean for someone to love you into your future, to love you into your true self? Theologians have called this escatalogical realism, a term meaning to be loved into your future. It’s the idea of having someone in your life who isn’t simply loving you based on the person you are presently, but instead, based on the person you’ve yet to become. Simply put, it’s a way of loving that makes someone better. It’s a way of loving that sees the potential in the other person and chooses to love them into the person they’ve yet to become or only dreamed of becoming. It’s not loving with a selfish agenda, making the other person into what you want them to be (that’s what some people would call tough love; a way of coercing someone to become what you want them to become) ; it’s a love that recognizes the uniqueness of God in the other and chooses to love in such a way that it’s drawn out. It’s selfless. It takes time, energy and focus to see. That’s escatalogical realism. And if you know anything about God’s love (agape - a Greek term for God’s unconditional, unmerited love), there’s quite a similarity.
Something I’m coming to love even more about Easter is that it’s such a tremendous reminder of what this kind of loving truly looks like. It’s a picture of Jesus seeing our future and the person we’ve yet to become, setting His face resolutely toward Jerusalem and a Cross, laying down His life - all out of a love that desires to make us beautiful. It’s Jesus’ willingness to take the filth of our sin upon Himself, leading to an offer for us to exchange our filth for beauty - all out of an extravagant love that simply wants to make us better than from where it first found us.
To borrow something I heard again this week, we are all people who live out of our identities; the problem is, most of us have yet to accept who we truly are. The truth is, no matter how you see yourself, the Cross is God’s way of loving us into who we were truly meant to become.
This way of loving has caused me to change how I pray for my family, friends and the people around me daily. Every week, I ask the Originator of this way of loving to help me love Molly and Julia in such a way that I make them beautiful. I ask the Father to help me love the people around me in such a way that I’m making them better.
I’m simply trying to learn what it means to love someone into their future…
Just a side-note: 8 out of 10 Americans are focused more on improving their weaknesses than improving their strengths. Contrary to popular belief, we have more growth potential in our strengths than our weaknesses. What that means it that you’re much better off learning to love the person you are than trying to become someone else. In addition, most people go to their graves having no real clue as to who they are. There’s a difference between humility (having a healthy, balanced understanding of who you are) and false humility (ie: “I’m nothing special”). If you want to learn more, I encourage you to catch our next Core/Partnership Meeting at Awaken, Sunday April 6th following worship. A huge part of the vision, not only for Awaken Church, but also for me personally is to see people come fully alive spiritually as they discover the true value in themselves…one that God sees, causing Him to love us in such a way that it’s drawn out.
Just Saying It…
I’m not sure what kind of family you grew up in, but my family has always been good finishing a conversation or a visit with the words with some pretty unique words in the form of I love you. Of course, depending on who’s saying it depends on how it is said. If I’m finishing up a conversation with my sister or any of her family on the phone, its I luv ya. And if we’re ready to leave from a weekend visit with my in-laws, you might hear something like, we love you guys. If my mom is able to talk and is not crying or emotional over something, she’ll say luv you. My dad is the funniest. Me, my sister, my nieces, nephews and now Julia always get this one: Daddy loves you, or Papa loves ‘em. And of course, after chatting with some of my buddies or other guys in my family, I’ll close things up by saying something like, love you, man, or love you, bro. Sound familiar?
My friend Scott and I were talking about this recently, how saying something like love ya is safer, easier than actually saying, I love you. It doesn’t seem to require as much of ourselves, as much of our hearts, as much eye contact. Words like I luv ya can become casual, almost to the point where you seldom notice the significance of what’s being said. It becomes a familiar salutation, allowing us to sever our time easier and walk away.
I’ve been thinking about this recently in context of the relationships and conversations where I use these words. I even have a casual way of telling Molly how I feel about her, I love you, Sweetheart, or I love you, Honey (always followed by a sweet description of my Subject).
But take away the sweethearts, and instead of substituting luv for love, or ya for you, and precede it with as strong I, identifying who its coming from…when was the last time you looked at someone face-to-face, heart-to-heart and said firmly, “I Love You.” ? Whether romantically, to family or to a friend?
Thinking about this also caused me to realize that I don’t think I’ve actually ever heard my own father say to me, “I love you.” I know that it’s not because he doesn’t love me, but why has he never just said it? What is he afraid of? Maybe a better question here is, what are we so afraid of?
Is it because of the damage, the pain, the hurt in the world around us - all caused in the name of love - that has us shrink back from such bold words? Is it our fear that our sincerity toward someone else will be rejected, making us look foolish and over-sensitive to other people? What if we say I love you, and really mean it…and don’t hear those words in return?
Have you ever heard of folks who sort of brag about never telling each other, I love you? The defense always seems to be, we’ll he/she already knows. Is this heroic? My friend Kate and I were discussing this the other day…how damaging it is for someone to do nothing more than withhold those words from us and how desperately our hearts are longing to hear someone say them. It’s almost as if there’s something built into us where we simply need to hear it…
I’m convinced there are lots of things in life we are supposed to know already. We’re reminded of that all the time, of things we should remember, ought to remember, but somehow don’t. Yet history proves we are a people who easily forget. Why? Life can wear on us, beat us up, cause us to be so disoriented at times that we sometimes forget who we are, who are friends are, who God is. There’s something restorative, something comforting and assuring when someone walks up to us, looks us in the eye and says, I want you to know something. I love you. Did you hear me? Do you understand what I’m saying? I love you.
I think some, if not much of the difficulty found in our struggle of knowing day to day whether or not God actually loves us has to do with our inability to actually tell each other. My friend, Ziya, just left his office overwhelmed with the feeling that things are falling apart for him financially, and in the midst of this is wondering not only where God is, but whether or not God really loves him.
If God is love, and if God has told us that He loves us directly through His Son Jesus, and if Jesus has invited us to tell the world around us of His love, then how can someone really encounter God through us unless they hear somewhere along the way - …I love you…?
relational motive
what’s your relational motive?
Recently I was having a conversation with a friend about the importance of extending ourselves relationally into the lives of people we’re trying to reach with the love of God. Our conversation has caused me to rethink and clarify why it is we stress this idea of ‘relational community’ when it comes to our church and our understanding of the Way of Jesus and the Kingdom of God. In our gatherings, we talk a lot about genuine and authentic relationships (with God and people), and one of the most effective and practical ways we find ourselves growing relationally with others is by giving away our most valuable resource…our time. It’s valuable because you can never get it back. Once you’ve given it away, it’s gone. And we all know there’s very little of it - it seems - available in our lives (which probably explains why we are so prone to become so selfish with our own time; ie: “I just need some time for myself.”).
This past weekend, our core team chatted about ideas and some fresh ways we can continue to advance our vision and build relationships with new people by showing them that we genuinely care…not by simply inviting them into our own world, but by being willing to step into their world - at the expense of our own time. As one author so well put it, ‘people don’t care how much you know until they know that you care.’ That is the essence of what it means to give ourselves away relationally. If we’re not willing to give away the greatest resource that God has given us, how can the world around us truly know that we care…and ultimately through us that God cares? This may even raise the question that one of my friends asked his friend recently; “are you in love with Jesus?” and ‘what does your time say to back it up?’ Tough questions.
Back to my conversation with my friend: He posed the question, “do we find ourselves spending so much time with others for the sheer purpose of one day having the opportunity to share with them how they can become like us by believing like us, or do we do so simply because we love them.” As my friend Larry put it this morning, “would you still spend time with me, would you still be my friend if I never believed like you?” The issue here has to do with agenda, and whether or not we’re trying to conform someone or see someone transformed through relationship. This raises another tough question for the follower of Jesus; “are we giving ourselves away relationally for the ultimate purpose of seeing someone believe like us, or are we giving ourselves away relationally our of love for that person? Do our relationships have ultimate agendas? Are we more focused on the ‘bait and switch’ approach that lures people in so that we can ultimately share our beliefs with them?
Let me clarify something before I conclude: I believe it is out of our love and obedience to God that we are compelled to share with others of the hope and the life we have found in Jesus, and ultimately we want everyone we come in contact with to taste and experience what we have found in Him. However, I believe we are being more like Jesus by giving ourselves away relationally out of love rather than giving ourselves away with the agenda of getting something in return (ie: ‘come to church with me,’ ‘believe like I do,’ etc.). Embracing the life of God begins with the understanding that we are always called to give more than we receive because that’s what Jesus shows us through His relationship with us. A love-motivated relationship invites someone to journey with you as you grow deeper in relationship with God…together. And as your journey together, it creates level ground between two disciples who are learning more and more about what it means to follow the Way of Jesus.
There is nothing in life (and in eternity) more important than relationships, and the relationships (however many of them there are) that count the most are the ones we give ourselves away to freely out of a heart of love.
Savor
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil–this is the gift of God. –Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
Are there moments in life right now where you find yourself “watching from a distance,” feeling as if some of the best moments are simply passing you by? Are you finding yourself busy trying just to make ends meet, trying so hard to get ahead…all with the hope of being able to enjoy things later? If so, you may also be finding yourself overwhelmed and spiritually exhausted in your pursuit for enjoyment and satisfaction. And the most frustrating thing is when we finally reach those moments we’ve been looking forward to, we sometimes lack the energy and the right attitude to fully enjoy them as we’d hoped to – what a let-down!
That describes a lot of people. Maybe you. Definitely me some days. What do we do?
Let me change the question a bit: How well are you ‘savoring’ your life? How many times in a day do you find yourself taking a deep breath, soaking up the view of the things around you and the beauty that’s right in front of you? The problem with many of us is that we’re working so hard to enjoy things later that we forget that we’re meant to enjoy things NOW. Look again at Ecclesiastes 3:12-13.
This past weekend, I had the privilege of officiating a wedding for some new friends of mine here in Greensboro. Something I’ve begun adding to the ceremonies I do is having the couple take just a few moments to look around and ‘savor’ the moment. About half-way through the ceremony, I asked them to take a deep breath and look around. It’s kind of awkward at first, until you see them crack a smile when they make eye contact with a few folks in attendance. Yet, it always seems to lighten the atmosphere a bit, helping the couple to lay-back and enjoy the next few moments. So often in a wedding, everyone is focused on doing things just right, not messing up, that they actually miss the beauty of what’s taking place around them. That’s not only true with weddings, it’s true in life.
Also this past weekend, Molly and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary (also, Jonathan & Jennifer Pugh celebrated their 1st!). Part of our celebration included taking some time to write down our “Top 10 things we love most about each other.” I can’t begin to tell you how gratifying that experience was for both of us as we took time to ‘savor’ our marriage through the things we find so beautiful about our marriage and each other.
The wisdom of the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us that every pursuit for enjoyment in life is meaningless unless we begin finding it in the things that are right in front of us. If you were to take time to ‘savor’ the life around you right now, what would you see? What would you discover? 1 Timothy 6:17 tells us that God richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. And I believe one of the greatest ways we return glory and worship to our Creator is to find enjoyment in the present…not allowing another moment to slip by unnoticed and unappreciated.
Savor today!
a healing community
What fears are gripping your heart today? Have you ever found yourself ‘running to the hills’ (so to speak), or even pulling away into isolation out of a fear of hurt or rejection from people? Think for a moment about the fears that were gripping the heart of Jesus prior to His suffering on the cross. The fear of torment, accusations, mocking, ridicule…and ultimately rejection; enough to make any of us desire to run. Yet, Jesus faced his fears, and as Scripture tells us, out of the joy that would come of it, He gave Himself away and endured the cross.
Have you ever loved, only to be rejected? Have you ever given, only to be unappreciated? You’re not alone. God knows all about this. I think it’s amazing to consider how even the greatest of love and generosity toward us – expressed in God’s Presence with us through Jesus, and our rescue found in His cross – can be returned with such cruel rejection. Yet, that’s the risk Jesus took, giving us the choice to love Him or reject Him. That’s essentially the risk we all take when it comes to loving and giving in life. Our tendency, when it comes to giving ourselves away in love, is to play it safe, minimize the risk, only go after the battles we’re sure to win, avoiding rejection, and perhaps even people, in the process.
Have you ever thought that your journey with God would find it’s greatest fulfillment if you could only remove the obstacles of people? If you’ve ever had your heart wounded through the rejection of others, you may find yourself tempted to pull away from not only those who have hurt you, but from people in general. I’ve found myself here, and I’ve found myself empty in that place. You see, I think we find ourselves in an extremely dangerous place when we pull away from people, specifically meaningful, authentic relationships where we’re walking with others, learning more about ourselves and what it means to follow the Way of Jesus. Perhaps that’s what’s so dangerous about referring to church as ‘community;’ it involves giving yourself away to others, and sometimes that’s a risk we’re unwilling to take.
A part of the challenge in the journey with God is to never give up on people, because the journey is lived out in the context of relationships. And if we’re ever to find healing from the wounds of rejection, it will only be found when we give ourselves away to a higher purpose than ourselves. Simply put, we get better when we give ourselves away.
Jesus’ joy was knowing that His suffering would bring us life. And by giving Himself away, He has shown us that wholeness and completeness of heart in life is only found when we do the same…and that begins in the context of relationships and ‘community.’
What are your fears when it comes to ‘community?’ Face them, and discover the joy of Jesus in giving yourself away!
home
“They ate till they had more than enough, for He had given them what they craved.” -Psalm 78:29I’ve been so encouraged recently to watch relationships with people in our church community continue to grow and deepen. Last Tuesday evening at our monthly dinner party, the atmosphere seemed to feel a lot like home – where people were laughing, eating and sharing stories together; a place where each person is accepted just as they are and where their words matter. I get excited when I see things like this because I truly believe that finding and experiencing such relationships and community in life is like coming home to a place our hearts are always in desperate search of.
When we set out on this journey several months ago, I can’t tell you how many times I was warned about the difficulties we would face when it came to carrying out our vision…one that emphasizes relationships over programs; one that is driven not by doing church, but by being church. And as we continue to build and deepen our relationships with one another, I see our love growing as we continue to move toward our mission to extend the life and love of Christ to our surrounding community.
So what’s the problem with carrying-out such a vision?
Relationships can be messy sometimes, can’t they? In fact, when it comes to offering a relationship to someone (one that includes your heart and your love), we can easily find ourselves in a dangerous place. Why? As the famous song so appropriately puts it:
Love hurts, love scars, Love wounds, and mars any heart. Not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain. Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain. Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
Once you open yourself to a new relationship, you not only add the opportunity for things like authenticity, honesty, depth, acceptance and love; you also add the opportunity for hurt and betrayal. That’s the danger we face in relationships, in becoming a relational community…and maybe that’s why we sometimes find ourselves running from such things. But to run from something your heart craves (because God created us with a relational-need, to Him and to others) is maddening. It’s simply a risk we MUST take to survive and find satisfaction and fulfillment in life.
Discussing this issue with our Core Team Sunday stirred my heart to keep standing for something I passionately believe in…that relationships are what matter most to God, and though they can be dangerous and difficult to manage at times, there’s nothing our hearts need more than a place where we find ourselves unafraid, where we belong, where we can rest and feel the warmth of the love of God through the love of others.
May Awaken be such a place, where we find home in the unchanging love of God, in the fellowship of walking with Jesus and with friends, and in giving ourselves away freely to our neighbors and God’s mission to bring every heart home to Him.
craving intimacy
Have you ever had an unexplainable loneliness even while standing in the middle of a crowd? I heard a friend say several times recently that he doesn’t need anymore acquaintances in his life, that there is no more room for such relationships. He desires friendships that go much deeper than that, friendships that are authentic, real, transparent, intimate. People who he will be there for, and who, in turn, will be there for him. I agree.
Think about your own life. Who are those ‘deep’ friendships you share, those deeper than merely ‘acquaintances?’ Who are the people in whom you are investing yourself and who are investing themselves in you? Who are the people you are walking with through life, who make you better, who even perhaps sharpen you spiritually?
One evening last week, a group of people I’m beginning to count more and more as my ‘deep’ friends (people who are also in our church community) spent some time together bowling. We had a blast laughing together (and not so much at each other), applauding and giving high-fives, encouraging each other and enjoying the unique personalities each person possesses. It was also a surreal evening as we all watched Molly dominate us on the lanes! I was humbled.
Bowling that evening was one of those moments where things deeper than community are formed. Relationships are deepened and become more intimate. People develop meaningful, more authentic relationships as they share their lives together; relationships that go beyond simply the people you go to church with, to a holistic-level in life. These are the people I’m beginning a new spiritual journey with, the people I’m walking with and sharing my life with. And that’s our vision with Awaken…a community of people in deep relationship, who walk together and who live out the very meaning of koinonia, the Greek term for Christian Fellowship as it should be.
Looking at God’s Word, I’m convinced these types of relationships – ‘deep’ friendships – are what our souls crave. But to have these types of relationships require that we give more of ourselves away, including our hearts and our love…and that can be risky. Yet, that’s how God created us, because the more we love, the more our love expands, the closer it leads us to God.
Is your soul finding satisfaction in your relationships? Who are you walking with? Who can you go deeper with? Listen to your soul…
Chris Shelton resides in Greensboro with his wife, Molly, their daughter, Julia, and Baby #2 due in March...
