Archive for becoming
loving for beauty…
A few days ago, I had the privilege of attending and conference called The Strengths Summit in Asheboro, NC, presented by the Gallup Research Group.. It was a two-day conference centered around helping people discover their natural strengths, talents and abilities and ways the church can serve as a catalyst for helping people live more self-aware and more comfortable in their own skin as they grow to see their true uniqueness.
While there, we were asked to personally look at our top strengths (according to the StrengthsFinder assessment) and underline in the descriptions the things about those strengths we actually believed were true.
It’s easier to focus on what’s not true, isn’t it? As I continue to learn more about this, it’s been interesting to see how certain strengths I have are much more easily identified and affirmed by others than they would be with me.
Which brings me to a huge point in this thought…that you can learn things about yourself that if you don’t have people in your life to affirm those things and literally love those things into you, it will eventually make no difference. Chew on that.
This has caused me to think of it this way: Have you ever given someone a compliment, but it’s almost like they refuse to believe it? Is it difficult for you to accept compliments?
Earlier in our marriage, I remember Molly and I having a conversation while we were driving about our identities, things we were learning about ourselves and some of the things that had served to shape us for good and for worse. I remember being frustrated around that time - all the way back to when we were first dating - when every time I’d tell Molly how beautiful I thought she was, it was almost like she didn’t want to hear it. (By the way, I did get permission from her to share this) I also know there have been many times when Molly has tried to affirm something in me that I’ve refused to accept. Things like: you’re a great man, to which my response would be, yeah, right.
This brings me to this thought: What does it mean for someone to love you into your future, to love you into your true self? Theologians have called this escatalogical realism, a term meaning to be loved into your future. It’s the idea of having someone in your life who isn’t simply loving you based on the person you are presently, but instead, based on the person you’ve yet to become. Simply put, it’s a way of loving that makes someone better. It’s a way of loving that sees the potential in the other person and chooses to love them into the person they’ve yet to become or only dreamed of becoming. It’s not loving with a selfish agenda, making the other person into what you want them to be (that’s what some people would call tough love; a way of coercing someone to become what you want them to become) ; it’s a love that recognizes the uniqueness of God in the other and chooses to love in such a way that it’s drawn out. It’s selfless. It takes time, energy and focus to see. That’s escatalogical realism. And if you know anything about God’s love (agape - a Greek term for God’s unconditional, unmerited love), there’s quite a similarity.
Something I’m coming to love even more about Easter is that it’s such a tremendous reminder of what this kind of loving truly looks like. It’s a picture of Jesus seeing our future and the person we’ve yet to become, setting His face resolutely toward Jerusalem and a Cross, laying down His life - all out of a love that desires to make us beautiful. It’s Jesus’ willingness to take the filth of our sin upon Himself, leading to an offer for us to exchange our filth for beauty - all out of an extravagant love that simply wants to make us better than from where it first found us.
To borrow something I heard again this week, we are all people who live out of our identities; the problem is, most of us have yet to accept who we truly are. The truth is, no matter how you see yourself, the Cross is God’s way of loving us into who we were truly meant to become.
This way of loving has caused me to change how I pray for my family, friends and the people around me daily. Every week, I ask the Originator of this way of loving to help me love Molly and Julia in such a way that I make them beautiful. I ask the Father to help me love the people around me in such a way that I’m making them better.
I’m simply trying to learn what it means to love someone into their future…
Just a side-note: 8 out of 10 Americans are focused more on improving their weaknesses than improving their strengths. Contrary to popular belief, we have more growth potential in our strengths than our weaknesses. What that means it that you’re much better off learning to love the person you are than trying to become someone else. In addition, most people go to their graves having no real clue as to who they are. There’s a difference between humility (having a healthy, balanced understanding of who you are) and false humility (ie: “I’m nothing special”). If you want to learn more, I encourage you to catch our next Core/Partnership Meeting at Awaken, Sunday April 6th following worship. A huge part of the vision, not only for Awaken Church, but also for me personally is to see people come fully alive spiritually as they discover the true value in themselves…one that God sees, causing Him to love us in such a way that it’s drawn out.
Getting Better: a hard lesson in discipline
Several months ago, my friend Nick did a painting he called “Getting Better.” I’ll never forget it. It was a simple piece, with a sole tree with green leaves and sunshine - a peaceful setting. You know - one of those places you imagine having a picnic.
Over the past few months, I found myself in a place where I’ve felt like I’ve been doing all I could do just to hold things together. Do you know what I’m talking about here? A place in life where you feel like your head is barely above the water most days, where you’re a mile wide but only an inch deep, where you feel like you’re losing some part of yourself that you don’t feel would be that beneficial, where it’s sometimes hard to breathe, hard to get out of bed, where things are just - simply put - ‘off’ for you.
By the way, if you’ve found yourself in a rut like this before, I believe one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves (and believe) is “things will eventually get better.” Yeah, maybe so, but I also believe that we (Jesus-followers) are given a spirit to do something about it. (see 2 Timothy 1:7)
Let me be honest here (which I try to be all that time anyway): Since my daughter Julia was born in September, I’ve had such little consistency in my days. (For those of you who are parents, you probably know what I’m talking about) And I haven’t adjusted to it very well. Although I’d consider myself to be adventurous, I do like structure in my day…and I’ve literally had none.
So, the question has been looming for some time now: How do I care for my wife, my daughter, my relationships with family and friends, our church…if I can’t even take care of myself all that well?
A few weeks ago, all of this started to come together for me and I started to hear what I believe to be the systemic issue to what’s been - or not been - going on in my life. I finally realized by listening to all the voices going on around me that I simply wasn’t living a very disciplined life anymore. I’ve felt like I’ve been falling apart and haven’t known why.
Discipline. There’s the word. This took me back to a book I read a few years ago in seminary titled “Spiritual Disciplines” by Donald Whitney, and I’ve remembered this quote for several years…Discipline leads to freedom. In other words, freedom is the reward of discipline. As Proverbs 25:28 says, “A person without self-control (or self-discipline) is like a city with broken down walls.”
So the question becomes, How can we care for others well if we can’t care for ourselves well? Notice, this isn’t saying, “I can’t care for others until I’ve cared for myself.” I believe this is a lie. This is not about self-help. This is about coming under God’s control for the purpose of caring for others well. Don’t miss this.
Last week, I finally sat down and did something with the help of my wife that I want to share with you. It’s called a “Life-Plan.” I’m not exactly sure where I came across this concept, but over a year ago, my friend Gary Combs helped me put my first “Life-Plan” together. In short, it’s simply a way to build your daily schedule around the things that you give value to or that you want to give more value to. One of many ways to discipline your life. Click Here to see a copy of mine.
I’d encourage you to develop your own “Life-Plan.” Take time on it. Be creative. What you put your time and energy into is what you’ll give value to. Also, I encourage you to email me if I can help you in any way with this.
Added 03/28/08: Here’s a great place to get started. Begin this process by asking yourself some questions (from ShawnLovejoy.com)
Do I get up at the same time every morning?
Am I overweight?
Do I have any addictions (caffeine, sugar, porn, etc.) right now?
Do I take a day off from working every week?
Have I taken a vacation in the last year? That wasn’t mixed with work?
Is my email inbox near empty right now?
Is my office and car clean or a mess?
Am I usually on time or late for things?
If I tell someone I’ll call them, do I do it?
Do I spend time with God every day?
If married, do I have a consistent date night with my spouse?
Do I have a hobby I enjoy consistently?
How often do I exercise?
How much TV do I watch?
What does my appearance say about my level of discipline (hair, clothes, etc.)?
Do I eat right?
Do I have a lot of debt?
Do I ever say: “When things slow down, I’m going to_______”
Thanks to Shawn Lovejoy, Pastor of Mountain Lake Church near Atlanta, for being the the voice that brought all this together for me…
being a eucharist
Perhaps this Easter Sunday you found yourself somewhere celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus and the fact that the tomb is empty, that Jesus is alive and is risen so that we might have life. (However you celebrated this past week, I hope it was rich in meaning for you.) Easter brings with it a time filled with deep significance and celebration for Jesus-followers, reminding us of the purpose of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection, but also reminding us of our purpose as His followers.
Central to our understanding of what it means to be a Christian (a Jesus-follower) is found in the familiar words of John 3:16. There, we are told that God has given…He has given us a Gift, and that Gift is His Son, His One and Only, the Only Begotten, Jesus. And that through Him, He gives the gift of abundant, everlasting life to all who believe.
If you celebrated Easter with a church-community recently, you more than likely observed The Lord’s Supper, or Communion. As Christians we meditate and reflect on this gift and what it means to us through by periodically taking of the Lord’s Supper, or Communion, otherwise known as the Eucharist. It’s our way, as commanded by Jesus, to remember His body that was broken and His blood that was poured out so that we might have life…and to be thankful.
Chris Shelton resides in Greensboro with his wife, Molly, their daughter, Julia, and Baby #2 due in March...
